Welcome to my blog! A place for insightful conversations, honest venting and possibly some helpful tips on ways to manage our daily stressors. I welcome questions, topics for discussion and feedback. In addition, my YouTube channel, above, has videos on daily affirmations, coping skills, as well as a series on Domestic Violence that was done with the founder and director of the Help SAVE Foundation, Jennifer Blum. So, grab a coffee, water, tea, or whatever your favorite libation and let's talk some sh*t!!
Goal-Setting & Why Resolutions are Dumb!
January 8, 2021
Why? Why do we decide during the 1st of every year that we have a million things "wrong" w/ us that suddenly need to be fixed and we're going to fix it all at once? So, here's a quick thought about goals not resolutions. If you have goals that you feel you want to reach, here are the steps to take to get there:
1. Pick only 1 or 2 goals that are important to you. (*Also, you can plan your goal setting any time of the year). 2. Determine your "WHY". Are you trying to save money b/c you want to buy a home or a new car or go on vacation? Once you have your WHY, you have a solid reason to stick with your plan. 3. Make a plan for action. Look at your calendar and actually schedule in specific actions you will be taking that are part of your plan to reach your goal. (Sunday: determine what I can do weekly to begin cutting costs; make a list. Monday: menu plan to help keep grocery list focused on needs v. wants. Etc...) 4. Commit to taking action after action until you reach your goal. There is no time limit, you don't say "well, I wanted to save $1000 by March but since I didn't, forget it". You just keep going. It's the same with any other goal you really wish to reach; no matter what barrier gets in the way or pause you have to take, you can take your tasks off your calendar if you need to for a week or two or whatever, but then look ahead and add them on again.
Here's the thing about setting too many goals at once; you end up overwhelming yourself with tasks to complete on top of your already full schedule. You realize you have set yourself up for failure and then you quit, feeling like said failure, & now you're back to square one. Get focused on 1 or 2 things you wish to accomplish, really commit, continue taking action until you achieve each goal and you will see how much you can accomplish if you just have faith in yourself that it can be done- because it can!
Because I’m not your average “Kumbaya” therapist… there will be swears:
October 20, 2021
I seem to still be very confused about something; and I know you may think “I’m not sure this is a ‘mental health’ post”, but I assure you, we’ll get there. Since I joined the lovely thing we call Facebook many years ago, I have seen this consistent and again, odd myriad of posts about “backstabbing, talking about me behind my back, people only call when they need you, blah blah blah” posts. And usually these are from what I would call grown a$$ adults who, I used to think once we became “adults” this type of stuff ended. Then I realized that “shitty” people will be shitty and it’s not about them anyway- drum roll please- IT’S ABOUT YOU. If you still have anyone in your life who behaves in a way that is unacceptable to you- it’s not their job to change, it’s yours to set boundaries with them. And if someone who you don’t particularly respect or have a close relationship with anyway says something derogatory about you, the world isn’t going to end. And if it’s not a person whose opinion matters to you on positive things in your life, why do you suddenly care about their opinion regarding negative things? You give people far too much control over your own thoughts/feelings/behavior. Behavior, you say? Yes. Even taking the time to post a stupid meme about how people suck because they are shitty, is waisted energy and what are you really accomplishing?
1. You can say NO anytime you want to anyone you want.
2. If someone blames you for their “bad” feelings remember you weren’t praised for their “good” ones, why? Because you have no control over anyone’s feelings which leads us to…
3. No one has any control over yours either. If you are angry, frustrated or whatever you are, about some words which really have no meaning until you give it to them, that’s all on you- not them.
It’s a tough pill to swallow- taking responsibility for your own shit, but once you do, you’ll feel a lot freer, because you have more control, and you can find a little more peace in your life. There’s also nothing like a purge of people who don’t truly enhance your life when they are around; if you feel yourself getting lighter, feeling less tense when someone leaves or you are done with your contact, that should tell you something.
*Join me next time when I go on about how complaining incessantly about one’s job isn’t actually doing anything about it…